It’s not been long since Christmas and
You’d hoped for some respite
From all the present buying that
Kept you awake at night.
But soon it will be Valentines
(How could you not remember?!)
And you ran out of gift ideas
About half way through December.
You’ve done the flowers, chocolates, hearts
And all the clichéd tat.
The 5 foot tall pink teddy bear
That scared the neighbour’s cat.
You’ve done the trip to Paris where
Amour is all around.
But now amour’s more pricey,
Since Brexit f***ed the pound.
Last year you bought her sexy knickers.
Man, she couldn’t stand those.
And probably not the best idea.
To give her them in Nandos.
And what to buy him you don’t know
Some tips would come in handy.
You can’t buy aftershave again
Just cos of David Gandy
Now here at Freedom to Exist
We feel your deep frustration
And wish to offer some advice
For your consideration.
So if you’re buying for a him,
A her, a he or she.
If your wrists are chunky or
They dangle daintily
We have a watch to suit your style
That’s fashionable and sleek
With discounts on the website
So go on have a peek.
A watch would be a classy gift,
A definite points winner.
And easier than lingerie
For trying on at dinner.
So buy a special gift now for
The loved one who is watchless.
We guarantee they’ll love it more
Than panties that are crotchless.